So now that the holidays are over, I've been thinking a lot about moving back to New York. I have started looking for work in earnest and to that end, posted my resume on a couple of job sites, seeking full-time work in my field, similar to ABC. This is going to be an uphill battle for certain but I wanted to get started because I don't know how long it might take. In less than a week since I posted, I have received four solicitations from recruiters... looking for people to sell Life Insurance. WTF? What about interviewing Slash or writing entertainment news items and features makes a person think, "Oh, he'd be PERFECT to sell Property and Casualty insurance. Maybe even Fire!"
I mean, I guess maybe I should be flattered, but this is pretty disheartening. Even the laziest Google search would reveal that I recently lost my partner of 10 years. Who on Earth thinks I would want to associate myself with a career basically focused on suffering and death?
Here's the four intros to emails I received over the past week:
Hi, my name is xxxx xxxxxx and I am a State Director for National Income Life. I saw your resume on the internet and felt that I should contact you immediately. Our company currently has openings for several outstanding individuals like you.
Hello Mick, My name is xxxxxxx xxxxx and I work for Aflac New York. I am reaching out, because I came across your resume on monster.com, and I wanted to know if you were still looking for employment? I am currently looking for someone to fill an open position here in our Manhattan office, and I think you could be a good fit.
Hello Mick, My name is xxxxxxx xxxxx, and I am a local Regional Sales Coordinator with Aflac. I came across your resume online and feel you may be a fit for a career position we are trying to fill.
Hello Mick, My name is xxxx xxxxxxx and I work with Allstate Insurance Company in the New York Region. I came across your resume online and thought I would reach out to you about current opportunities that exist as a Licensed Sales Representative with Allstate Exclusive Agencies in your area. (Incidentally, this guy doesn’t say that he thinks I’m a good fit, but he reached out anyway, so that feels great.)
Unrelated, if nothing works out I may revert to my original plan, conceived shortly after Ebony passed and possibly colored by spirits: I have not ruled out joining the Peace Corps. Seriously. The Peace Corps welcomes people of a certain age. This could be my mid-life crisis, since it’s unlikely I’ll be buying a Lamborghini Aventador and rollin’ like Offset. Two things about this concern me: one, none of the programs depart until November; and two, you don’t get to choose where you go. If I go anywhere, I want to go to Africa. Ebony and I talked about it a few times. (She would say, “I would love to see Africa -- but I’m not wearing a Kente cloth head wrap for you!” And then she’d squint at me. I would just shrug and say, “Okay!”) But she wanted to go to Kenya, to Nairobi and the Giraffe Manor. I’m pretty sure those aren’t high-needs areas. But I would love to go for the experience.
I believe I would come alive in an environment that excites me. It’s a 27-month commitment, with three months training and 2 years of deployment -- and a lot of hard work -- which is a considerable responsibility that comes with a unique set of problems like lack of cell service, electricity and running water. Of greater concern, if anything happens to Mom, it’s going to be extremely difficult to get back to Newport if I’m halfway across the world being chased by rhinos on my day off from community economic development in Namibia.
I think I am just lost and seeking adventure as a way of finding some meaning when most days I feel, as Philipp Mainländer wrote, life is absolutely worthless. The notion of going abroad to teach English where it’s warm and there are tigers just walking around might be fanciful and foolish, but it’s invigorating to consider, especially when it feels like there are so few options. I’m in a new place in my life: I’m alone and halfway between Heaven and Hell.
Why not go abroad to some exotic locale and teach English, where maybe someone would value my contribution? I could do something good and find satisfaction and even pleasure in doing it. Plus: zebras! My biggest concern there would be that my vernacular and sarcasm would creep into the lesson plan and a generation of young Malawians would grow up to become writers, scientists and advocates for progress who use the adjective “wicked” and “awesome” entirely too often and with an exaggerated Boston accent (“Lookit the wicked aahdvahks! So awesome!”)
I suppose this is just, as Tennessee Williams wrote in “Sweet Bird of Youth,” and as my friend David Stone is fond of saying, a distraction from panic. In the intervening time, I am thinking about Ebony, I am thinking about New York and thinking about the future and wondering where I belong and if that’s the same as where I want to be.
Whatever it is, I definitely won’t be selling life insurance.
